is your mom at the bar?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
