why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize