My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
