I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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