There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
