Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
