It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
