Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
