i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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