Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
