I wish my penis had an off switch
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im holly from the hills drunk
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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