Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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