I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
