Where is the hickey?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
pop tarts are not kleenex
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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