just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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