Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You should frame my arrest warrant.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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