college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
