Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
