I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
