Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
