i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
