Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
