what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
