I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
