i barfeds in our rink
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
