Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
