**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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