Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
