I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
