I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
