So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
