The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
