playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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