we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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