Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Don't make out with my wife yet
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
