I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
