No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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