from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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