ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
