My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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