I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
