Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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