my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
