Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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