I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
