My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
