You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
