Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
