Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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