Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
