: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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