i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
