My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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