I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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