Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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