oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
