Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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