Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
