You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
