why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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