I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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