Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
