Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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