long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I supernannyed him into submission
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
