wakey wakey hands off snakey
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
