I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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