He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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