How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
