I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
