Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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